The Gamemakers Enter the Games

As I lifted myself off the hard ground I heard a roar coming from the beach. I could hear the waves crashing furiously. Startled and awakened by this, I climbed up the tall tree next to me and saw a humungous wave, probably 30ft high, hurtling towards me. Without a second to think, I dropped down from the tree, grabbed my pack, and sprinted off into the other direction. Forcing all my fear down, I sprinted through the tangle of vines and creepers. I kept glancing back to see if the wave had crashed but for some odd reason it just kept getting bigger and bigger. I pushed with all my might, trying to get away from this never ending wave of doom. Finally I remembered that this whole arena was fake, and that the Gamemakers were the ones controlling the wave, not the ocean. With my mind focused on this I didn’t realize that there was large vine, and I tripped and fell. My leg got caught in the creepers and the wave crashed onto me, smacking my entire body.

Pain flashed across my body, like I had just been stabbed a hundred times. Water filled my lungs, causing me to panic. The pressure of the hit threw me up against a tree, my spine ached. With my last breath of oxygen, I pictured my Mother, and how much I would miss her. With the strong scent of the salt water filling my nostrils, and water engulfing my lungs, I blacked out.

My eyes fluttered open and a ray of sunlight blinded me. Trying to stand, searing pain shot up my back and I relaxed back down onto the soft warm sand. Coughing, I looked up to see a boy sitting on the rock next to me. I recognized him as the boy from District 11. He noticed my coughing and let a small smile crack across his face, “You know, you almost died out there in the tsunami, I saw you and pulled you out. Your back is pretty banged up though.” I smiled at him and said, “Thank you for saving my life, I owe you one. I’m J.K. Notrowling” The boy took my outstretched hand and replied “Nice to meet you, I’m Tom.”

3 Comments on The Gamemakers Enter the Games

  1. brad4
    May 28, 2014 at 1:21 pm (10 years ago)

    I liked this post there was just a few minor errors. Some sentences were short and choppy when you could’ve just combined them into one like your opening As I lifted myself off the hard ground I heard a roar coming from the beach. I could hear the waves crashing furiously. you could’ve said I heard a roar coming from the beach and the waves crashing you also said I ran into the other direction when it should’ve been in. Other then that good post I liked the ending and the new character addition to continue the plot. How about them Canadians eh?

    Reply
  2. 4joshe
    May 28, 2014 at 1:25 pm (10 years ago)

    A great passage, however it was too abrupt. I didn’t understand how immediately after you heard the “roar,” you immediately knew that it was a giant wave, especially after you were just laying on the ground. Like Brad said, this passage is littered with fragments and such that are unnecessary. Good passage though.

    Reply
  3. 4megan
    May 28, 2014 at 1:39 pm (10 years ago)

    I liked your passage but there were a few minor errors. The second paragraph lacked detail needed for example you said “The pressure of the hit threw me up against a tree, my spine ached.” You could add more detail then my spine ached. overall a good piece though.

    Reply

Leave a Reply